06 Nov Why I love teaching people to ask for money–download my teaching handout!
I love teaching people to ask for money! They love it, too. This photo taken at Appalachian State University by a kind bystander shows me in the center of a relaxed, smiling group of graduate students after my class! The luminous person at the far right is our professor, Dr. Mac-Jane Crayton. Photo used with the permission of everyone in it.
I love teaching people to ask for money
There are few things that juice me as much as the happy sound of people asking other people for money.
The laughter!
The delighted newfound confidence!
The quiet, focused intimacy that emerges between donors and askers as they role-play!
I heard these sounds a lot last month when I went to Boone, North Carolina to teach a graduate + an undergraduate class in Appalachian State University’s Nonprofit Management program, plus lead a public workshop for 20+ nonprofits.
For a copy of the handout I gave my public workshop participants, click here.
Most people hate and fear asking others for money. Why do I love it so much? What am I teaching that is so enjoyable to others as well as myself? How can you love it, too?
Why do I love it so MUCH?
I love it because I am never asking for myself. I am always asking for a cause I adore. (But see this post for how this love has helped me sell (= “offer something to someone at their request”) my work and how you can learn to love selling yours.
I love getting small me, with all my fear, ego, tameness, and dread, out of the way, and letting great Me take over. My great Spirit inside me, the one that is inside You.
I channel Its love and pride and confidence and clarity in conversations with donors—and in conversations with you when I train you to ask donors.
Obviously, I think you are fully capable of doing this, too or I wouldn’t be jubilating so publicly about it. This is why I’m writing this blog post: to teach you what I know. (And to entice you into hiring me to teach you even more and teach your people! It starts with an always-free exploratory meeting you book here.)
I also love asking for money and teaching people how to ask for money because my preparation is solid.
Preparation is half the ask. That’s how much it helps you feel great when you go into your ask!
Preparing yourself is right up there with opening your heart as the two most vital steps you take before you make your ask.
The third most vital step is preparing the donor you want to ask.
This post covers all of it–preparation, what I call “pre-preparation,” and the ask itself.
Preparation
Preparation begins with some variant on the question you ask your donor: “may we set up a time we can talk? I would like to tell you about my cause (organization, project, event) I’m so passionate about and ask for your support.” I’m italicizing that for you, not for your donor. The italics are a reminder that never do you surprise your donor with a request for support at a meeting you have set up. Always you let the donor know you plan to ask them for support at the time you asked for the meeting.
The awkwardness? Very small, at this stage. If they don’t want to talk to you, and don’t want to be asked for support, this is when they will tell you. Believe me, this reduces your anxiety greatly going forward.
Once they’ve agreed to the meeting, they’ve not only agreed to the meeting. They’ve agreed to let you ask them for support.
How magic is that?
Please remember to actually make your ask when you meet.
It’s your job and the donor will be waiting for you to do it!
There are a number of reasons this meeting is so wonderful, unusual, and important:
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- You get to know each other, or deepen your connection.
- You get, as mammals, to “smell” each other. You get an embodied sense of each other right there in the flesh. (This is why I teach what to order in a restaurant if you are doing a donor visit in a restaurant: no fish with small bones, no spaghetti, nothing you feel super-self-conscious while eating, so you can focus on feeling confident and at ease with yourself and your donor.)
- You get to share your passion for your cause (organization, project, event).
- You get to listen avidly to your donor share about their passion in connection with your cause (organization, project, event).
- You get to make your ask you have “pre-prepared” (see below) and then shut up. You get to get comfortable enjoying the silence of them considering your ask, knowing it is now out of your hands. You do not control whether they say yes and you cannot be judged on what they say; you can only set up your ask and be as real as possible and help them have as wonderful an experience of your cause (organization, project, event) as possible. You don’t want them to fall in love with you, by the way; through you, you help them fall in love with your cause (organization, project, event).
- You get to get comfortable with whatever your donor says:
- “Yes” (please don’t act surprised, and please do ask them how they’d like to give, please bring your laptop so they can give online there and then or provide you a check there and then)
- “No” (see “Common Responses” below for why this is unlikely)
- “Let me talk with my partner” (see below)
- “That’s a lot of money” (see below)
- “I can’t do that much” (see below), and
- You get to thank them personally no matter what they said for their time and kindness meeting with you.
Pre-preparation
Before you begin “Preparation,” above:
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- Identify your donor. They can be a large donor or a mid-level donor you have not considered asking personally for support. The more people (staff, Board, fundraising committee members) asking, the more donors you can ask personally. You want to do this not only because it builds your coffers but because it builds your organization and your movement.
- Research your donor online: what’s the average salary for their job? where do they live? what kind of car do they drive? Ascertain an appropriate amount to ask them for.
- Determine the amount to ask for. (In some cultures–for example, parts of the Southern US–it is not polite to ask for an amount when making the ask. I feel it increases ease during the visit for both parties.) It should be a doable stretch for them. Be at ease; if you ask too low, you can always increase the next time you meet with this donor because this is fundraising as relationship-building.
- Choose how to make the initial invitation to a meeting (described in Preparation, above): if you always text each other, you text. If the donor responds with a gift online in response to fundraising emails, email them. If they mail a check in response to email, email them. If you have only a postal address, and they give by check, write them a letter inviting them to call or email you.
- Most likely, if you’ve done the pre-preparation as listed, you’ll hear back. If you don’t, my rule is to follow up two (2) more times with calm and quiet confidence, letting them know the third time that this is the last time I’ll be contacting them. And then I keep my word! I often hear back once folks realize I’m not acting like a telemarketer. If they don’t respond, I drop it, and move on. I keep cultivating the relationship through my organization’s usual channels. It’s such a relief to have boundaries in fundraising! (And yes, if you’ve mailed them a letter, I would mail them two more times, following this rule.)
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Common Responses (Besides “Yes” and “No,” which are covered elsewhere in this post)
“Let me talk with my partner” (spouse, significant other)
This is a common response, especially for asks that feel like a true stretch to the donor. It just means you’ll need to follow up, even if they say they’ll get back to you. A nice way to handle this is to pre-empt them saying they’ll follow up by asking when they want you to follow up. (I learned this watching Dr. Crayton role-play her ask!)
Now, notice that the donor will (rightly, I believe) judge your cause (organization, project, event) by your integrity and whether they can count on you to do what you say you’ll do so be sure to follow up when you say you will.
I can’t stress enough the importance of follow-through and keeping your word in all aspects of (nonprofit) life and certainly in fundraising. Keep note of any other promises you made during the ask, for example to find out information the donor wanted and you didn’t have, and keep those promises.
“That’s a lot of money”
Yes, it is! You can say that: “yes, it is, and that’s why I wanted to ask you personally.” The point of your preparation is to put you at ease enough to help put them at ease contemplating your request—and responding to it the way they need to and can respond.
“That’s a lot of money” is not a “no.”
It’s simply an engagement with your ask, a contemplation they have never had before that you’ve presented them with the opportunity to consider.
Quite often, the response after this, if you remain quiet and let them think, is a “yes, I can do that.” And then see above under “Preparation” for how to handle a “yes.”
“I can’t do that much”
“I can’t do that much” is also not a “no.”
(Only “no” is a no!)
While we need to be prepared to hear that (see below), it is very uncommon once you are actually in your visit. “No” is the least of your worries.
“I can’t do that much” is the donor letting you know they are contemplating your request you have given them an opportunity to consider.
Your job is just to let them sit with what they can do financially. After a while, you can offer to help them figure it out: “Would it help to break up your gift, and spread it out monthly or quarterly?” Then, of course, if they say “yes,” you are ready and able to remind them of their commitment each month or quarter. Many organizations have giving platforms that automate this for them and their donors.
“No”
In my workshops, I have people picture the donor saying “no” at this point during a visit the donor has agreed to knowing it would involve being asked for money. (See “Preparation,” above for more about this.)
Almost no one can imagine it.
And that’s because almost no one would do such a thing. They would say “no” long before this point when you invited them to meet with you in the first place!
I have had someone say “no” to me in a visit where I made an ask for $500—and then turn around and give the women’s fund I was starting up $20,000.
I have had people respond that they could not do the amount I was asking for, or needed to ask their partners. That’s why I wanted to address those responses in this post (see above).
Your risk of a “no” at this point is very low.
If you get one, however, your job is still to thank them sincerely because they’ve given you something important. Their time? Yes. But also information: they are not ready to make a gift. They agreed to meet with you and they’re not ready to give yet.
If they have given you any additional information, such as their reason for not giving right now, that is all to the good.
Are they a lost cause? Hardly!
If the visit has otherwise gone well, I consider them a very interested prospect who needs more time getting to know my cause (organization, project, event). Invite them to participate in ways other than financial. Continue to cultivate.
It is highly unlikely that if you’ve gotten to this point, they are utterly uninterested in your cause (organization, project, event). Give them more time. They are not an ATM.
“What keeps you going?”
This was the question a person in my undergraduate class at ASU asked me, and it’s a good one.
First, I love what I’m doing. I love teaching and modeling and practicing, reminding, nudging–and I Love the actual edginess of doing an actual ask, which I do get to do as a consultant sometimes, even though nowadays I am mostly helping others learn to do it.
The rest of my answer
But I only answered part of the question in the moment: my answer was that money was magic, and I like bringing that magic.
What I want to add about what keeps me going is that this work is a vital part of movement-building. Just as much as asking anyone to do anything else on behalf of our shared cause, asking for money builds your base as well as your budget. The relationships we build when we ask for money from individuals wisely and well build support that lasts when the chips are down–as well as when they’re up!
This is how we build, cultivate, develop, and strengthen…not just individual relationships with donors but our movements.
If you want to know more about my workshops or my work, please click here or email me: bethraps@raisingclarity.com or use my contact form. My consulting approach is very personal, custom-designed, and high-touch. I answer all of my own email, and keep a zero inbox. I will respond! Your contact is precious to me.
Let’s learn to ask for support where the heart is.
Let’s reclaim our hearts from fear and ask wisely and well.
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