Are You Hard to Help? Take Our Simple Quiz

Are You Hard to Help? Take Our Simple Quiz

Are You Hard to Help? Take Our Simple Quiz

Question 1.

Do you consistently feel there’s no help?

Answers:

No

Did you answer “no”? Great! You already know what is in this post.

Yes

Did you answer “yes”? Great! This post is for you. And that’s the whole quiz. If you’re good with that, skip down to “What to Do.” If not, read on.

Reality vs. Pattern

The feeling “there’s no help” is not reality, but a pattern from childhood that keeps getting triggered. There is massive help, all around.

Pollinator plants and insects busy at the People’s Garden in Washington, D.C., on Wednesday, June 22, 2016. #PeoplesGarden. USDA Photo by Lance Cheung.

 

(And I mean helpful help, not the other kind.)

Not believing, knowing, accessing, knowing how to access, daring to access, being able to accept or see help–and not using help–are all part of the pattern.

The only qualification for being hard to help is feeling there’s no help.

The Martyr

Another name for this is martyrdom. Bear with me. The Martyr is an archetype (or one of the many voices we hear in our heads) acknowledged in moneycoaching as influential when it comes to money.

But the Martyr influences more than money. Martyr patterns keep us alone, scared, tired, tired, tired, and depressed. Martyrs are notoriously hard to help. If we accept help, our whole self-image is blown as never getting help. And the source of our power is revealed. (How would you describe it? Reply in a comment to this post.)

It’s like we have a wall or a hard shell where others have a soft spot. It’s like where they have tender flesh, we have scar tissue.

Hard to Help = Wounded

Exactly. Feeling there’s no help is represents a wound. The Martyr is wounded.

And that can be healed.

What to Do

Here’s our simple (but not easy) three-step program to help with receiving help:

  1. Define “help.” For ease and quicker results, define the help you would love, in one area of your life. Define the area, define the help.
    • Do not define: who it comes from, or how it comes.
    • Extra credit: Do not define when it comes.
  2. Consider the area you’ve defined your garden, or your personal lab, or your petri dish, and just observe what happens in it:
  3. Allow it to unfold.
    • We know: this is the hard part.
    • Extra credit: Journal or make art or talk with a trusted friend about how hard it is, where in your body it feels hard, and what it reminds you of.

Then do it again.

That’s it. That’s all you were lacking. There’s nothing different about us Martyrs from people who seem to get help all the time. I say this lovingly, from personal experience. Feel free to write in with your story, or your comment to this post.


Image credits:

Dish time with grandma image by Moeview from Creative Commons, copyright-free.

Bee on echinacea flower image by the US Department of Agriculture from Creative Commons.

Petri dish image by the National Cancer Institute from Wikimedia Commons, copyright-free.

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