26 Nov Finding Your Self at Work: The Fifth Step, admitting responsibility
Once you’ve done Step Four, this Step is easy. I’m being sneaky, I know. Back in our last post, I told you Step Four was easier than Step Five was going to be. (Imagine how easy Step One seems now? Try it if you haven’t. You can find all the Steps here.)
In a way, they are both true: Step Four was just quietly and privately taking your own self-inventory of how you caved in to capitalism’s insanity and abandoned yourself. Step Five is telling other people about it but you’ve already done the quiet, private part. (In another way, those 12 Steppers are sneaky! They figured out to separate into two different steps the quiet private work of self-inventory and the public acknowledgement of how we caved.) Here is Step Five: we
5. Admitted to that Power greater than ourselves, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Back in our last post, I promised you my self-inventory list. Here it is, my start at feeling and acknowledging all I abandoned of my precious self to the Great God Capitalism (the chase for money, remember, not money itself)
- my self-esteem
- my identity
- my reason for existence
- my intrinsic goodness, my worth
- my knowing what needed to be done next for real (whatever made the most money, right?)
- my friendships
- my interests.
And that’s just a sketch, a start. While each of these items may sound abstract, for me to write it out to you, I had to feel it. Before you determine what yours are, feel it. Forage around in those wild gardens of the self and uproot some abandonment. Look carefully at it before you toss it on the fire. So that even if your words are the same as mine, what they represent will be intensely personal.
Notice that today (the day this post is publishing) is Thanksgiving. Work it! Tell people how you’ve noticed you caved into capitalism. You could really start a conversation at the table! I’m partly serious here: I am Thankful for this process in my life.
You can see how deep this goes. You can see now why we need to move this s–t out of the way in order to even know Whom or What to Trust. Remember: you don’t have to believe. You don’t have to hate on capitalism; I don’t! I’m just done with it running my life. Oops. I mean I am done with abandoning my life to it. And I know there is a path out of that self-abandonment. To stay on that path through the fourth and fifth Steps means I turn within to my own self-abandonment, “searchingly and fearlessly.” Or as fearless as I can be right now. I get more fearless as I stay on this path.