18 Mar Shame Is an Oversimplification You Can’t Afford
Shame Is an Oversimplification You Can’t Afford
Shame is an oversimplification you can’t afford.
It cuts you off from what you need. What you need wants to come to you. But it can’t, with shame in the way.
Go after shame. Pursue it passionately—and you will find it unravels, revealing just what was keeping you from what you needed.
This is how you use shame to keep you from what you want and need.
You’ve been keeping yourself from love, from pleasure, from wealth, from peace by punishing yourself for wrongdoing. Yours or someone else’s.
Anything you dearly, deeply wanted and seem unable to get? Shame is what you’ve used to keep from getting it.
Shame is a shortcut.
Now, I’m all about wise shortcuts. I love them.
But shame makes a long story overly short.
It oversimplifies a complex, difficult life experience, gives it a premature ending, and makes it trite. The worst? Then, it uses that trite story to shut you off from what you want in your life.
Here’s why we use the shortcut of shame.
Shame gives us a quick answer when the alternative is excruciating pain: understanding what we did wrong or what someone else did wrong to us.
Yet shame leaves behind the aftermath of that wrongdoing. It doesn’t heal or change anything. It just sucks your energy into maintaining it–instead of healing and moving on.
Forgiveness is not the first step.
We hear about the importance of forgiveness.
But we don’t hear about the importance of diving into our shame before we forgive.
We feel shame no matter who did it.
Notice that you can feel shame about what you did or failed to do. And you can feel shame about what someone else did or failed to do—to you or those you love.
For example, think about sexual abuse–how it taints not only the abuser but the abused. We abused walk around with a sign on our foreheads: Damaged Goods.
And it’s of course not limited to abuse that was sexual.
Same with our own wrongdoing. Except no sign on the forehead. Our feeling of being damaged goods remains internal. Sometimes, that feels worse, like:
I did wrong, and I was able to hide it and now I’m ashamed.
Everyone thinks I’m normal. But I’m ashamed.
Our attachment to shame is self-indulgence.
Freeing ourselves from this is worthwhile. So we can stop giving this stuck, energy-sucking place any more energy. So we can move on, so we can achieve what we are here to achieve. And give and receive what we are here to give and receive.
Shame blocks our flow. Let’s stop using it to do that that so we do manifest what we want, and what we need for our calling.